Thanks for reaching out and sharing all of these details!
First off, listView performance is something we want to work on internally. I'm tracking a feature request for improved listView performance and I'll post here if I get any updates.
Secondly, definitely keep an eye on the table 
It's quite fast, even with larger datasets. I'm happy to update you if you let me know what specific features you're waiting for.
Was this the post you were looking at? (Pagination in listviews)
For your on loading logic, were you using queryName.isFetching?